Review - Assault of the Sasquatch

I just caught a late night creature feature that really left me impressed. It’s called Assault of the Sasquatch, and it was put out by a group called Synthetic Cinema International. The basic premise of the movie is that a small group of bear poachers are up to no good in the deep woods when they run afoul of the one and only Sasquatch. Being the money-hungry men they are, they immediately see the opportunity and knock the big guy out cold. The plan is to sell the rare creature to a big-shot millionaire, but first, they have to actually survive long enough to make their rendezvous.

When I say “they,” I’m really using the term loosely, as all but one of the bear poachers is killed by Sasquatch in pretty quick fashion. The oldest and most grizzled of the poachers is the only one who manages to keep his hide intact for the main portion of the movie. He’s one tough SOB with an eye patch and a permanent bad attitude. The actor who plays him (Kevin Shea) does a great job in this movie, and is more than convincing as a fucked up, down and dirty killer of both beast and man.

Before our buddy the bear killer can get his precious cargo to the buyer in question, he gets arrested by a pair of forest rangers. They have no idea that Sasquatch is passed out in the back of this guy’s truck, they just know he’s been killing wildlife out of season for nefarious reasons. So thinking all they need to do is take him in to the local cops and impound his vehicle, they go off on their merry way, unknowingly transporting Big Foot to the big city.

Now, here’s where the real fun begins. The police precinct in question is only manned by a skeleton crew (of course), due to some budgetary excuse or remodeling project. It’s really not important. What’s central here is that only a few cops are around, they’ve got no back-up and the shit is about to hit the fan.

Sasquatch has a major vendetta against our one-eyed hunter, who is now locked up in the precinct, with nothing between Big Foot and his prey besides a few tasty morsels in blue. Cue the killing, the blood works, the running, the screaming, the futile efforts to kill this huge, hairy monster and get ready to enjoy every fucking minute of it.

Assault of the Sasquatch does just about everything right. There’s the whole serious side of the story with the cops doing their best to stay alive against this killing machine, but you’ve also got a hilarious portion of the movie that gets switched back to from time to time. That portion primarily stars a pair of goofball buddies named Don and Murph. They’re members of the International Sasquatch Society (badges and all) and just so happen to catch the big lug peeping on a naked latina girl getting ready for her shower (gorgeous, by the way).

These guys spend the rest of the movie trying in vain to track the monster down, questioning people on the streets and having plenty of comic banter that’s sure to make you laugh. As an interesting side note, these two actually have a website where they put together a comedy program called The Don & Murph Show. You should check it out. I laughed my ass off when I watched some of their videos. They do reviews, skits and all kinds of stuff.

Getting back to the movie, though, I thought the creature effects for Sasquatch were really well done. You can tell the movie is on the lower end of the budget spectrum, but that didn’t stop them from doing a damn fine job on the big hairy guy. There were times when his chest piece looked a little fakey, almost like a gorilla costume with those plastic muscles, but his face was really good, and had a surprising amount of movement built into it.

All of the actors did great jobs too. I never felt like anyone was just dragged off the street, or performing as a favor for a friend. Everyone really came off as professional and knowledgeable of their craft. In particular, Shawn C. Phillips (the goofball Don) and Kevin Shea (the crazy hunter dude) really stood out as memorable elements of the film.

Attack of the Sasquatch is constantly entertaining, with something of interest happening every few seconds, which is something I desperately need when I’m watching horror flicks in the middle of the night. It’s got cool kill scenes, solid special effects, a great cast of actors and a solid script that never leaves you scratching your head in confusion. What more could you ask for?

This film receives a score of:

8 out of 10